With Christmas just two sleeps away, I enjoyed sleeping in, drinking waaayyyy to much coffee, standing in line forever at the grocery store (thank god for Audible), and cleaning the apartment… specifically my desk. I am a constant note taker, saving little scraps of paper with scribbled ideas to come back to later. You guys, if I had made half of the makeup looks I’ve had ideas for… but I digress.
What really struck me was finding a few scribbled poems from this time last year when I was really starting to struggle with my PTSD again. I’m not sure when this lesson is going to sink in, but there is no such thing as “getting there” or “arriving” at this elusive dream called “better.” Its all a process of adjusting, and continuing to fight to be our best selves no matter what.
Mental Health Around the Holidays
The holidays are difficult for so many people, regardless if they have mental illness to contend with or not. With money struggles, travel, family, weather, and possible SADD issues, it is a variable cocktail of emotions and stressors, but add mental struggles on top, and it can make things…. lets go with interesting. A year seems like a long time, but in truth it flies by so quickly. It feels a little crazy to me that just a year ago, I wrote this:
My mind is a record,
I keep it spinning to keep the nightmares at bay.
The smallest bump to my barely stable world causes skips…
jumping from song to song in a desperate attempt
to keep the music playing.
Though I struggled, I was at least aware that I needed to make changes, even if I didn’t know just how far that stability had slipped. Perhaps my subconscious knew, now that I read this poem, I wonder.
Keeping things positive
I share this poem, not to be negative, but instead to show that we all have our dark holidays. Sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to have a magical holiday but the truth is, there is so much of that out of our control. If you are not feeling so hot this holiday season, just know you are not alone, and it doesn’t mean it will feel this way forever. Heres to hoping your holidays are wonderful, and sending positivity your way!