Mad Like Alyce

One thing that has really stood out to me during my journey with chronic pain and PTSD is that it can often be really hard to focus on the positives in life. When it feels like your body has turned traitor and you are in a constant “fight or flight” mindset… it feels like nothing ever goes your way. Even then things started going my way, I distinctly recall the feeling that I was just one step away from everything falling apart all over again.

Keep calm and… nevermind

These are two words I honestly couldn’t associate with before the last year. Something happened around March last year when I turned a corner with my counseling. It was just the first corner of many (trust me, I know there are still so many yet ahead) but for the first time, I started to have moments where I was absolutely at peace. I think the first that I honestly felt was when I was out on the Pine Ridge Indian Reservation last summer.

There is something incredibly healing about the Black Hills of South Dakota, from the climate to it’s stunning beauty. Something about being out there makes my heart swell, and I feel an unexplained feeling that this is where I need to be in that moment. During that last trip, I was facing not only a completely new experience, but facing many triggers buried in my memories of the Black Hills.

During that trip, I saw a level of need I had never experienced. Not being able to help those children more than providing a hot meal and a warm hug broke me inside, and those emotions tangled with my own conflicted and vulnerable feelings finally hit a tidal wave crescendo one night. Instead of spending time with my companions at the Dream Center, I wandered over to the playground and sat on the swings in the dark, looking out over the Badlands to a nearly full moon and cried my heart out. I know, it sounds totally dramatic, but I am a full believer in the healing power of a good cathartic cry.

Recognizing peace for what it is

Now, I certainly didn’t stop having panic attacks or feelings of anxiety… since then I have had some panic attacks that rank up there with the worst of them. I did, however, find that I was better able to start challenging those thoughts of anxiety, or at least be able to appreciate the moment. I had a blissful moment this morning where I had just pulled out my balcony table and chairs and enjoyed coffee in the light spring breeze. I was incredibly grateful in that moment, and realized what peace was… the mindset of thankfulness. For me, the opposite of anxiety… is gratitude.

With that, I decided to start a gratitude journal. Its something that is quite in vogue at the moment, but there is power in writing things down, pen to paper. And once the words started, I very quickly filled the first page. So many things to be thankful for… my moment this morning with the blissful absence of the anxiety that clenches my heart, the realization that I have lived with Damir successfully for the last year (I never thought I could share a home with someone I was in a relationship with… the idea had been so terrifying before, yet now I wouldn’t have it any other way.)

So my new venture, for a while at least is to spend a few minutes each morning writing in this journal with the hopes it will help me keep a positive outlook on the rest of the day, no matter how hectic my morning. What are you thankful for today?

Hello!

Hi! I'm Alyce.
Welcome to my journey towards living a happier and healthier life while living with PTSD and chronic pain... and never letting it keep me from my passion for Halloween, cooking, and way too many DIY projects... all at the same time!

Instagram

  • One last shot of Sallywise! This was a great test to see what I need to focus on more when timing my looks, and also to realize that a lot of the detail I like to include might not really matter in the harsh dim light of a haunted house. On to the next look! #sallystitches #nightmarebeforechristmas #clowns #pennywise
  • Breaking the Instagram square because this shirt is goals, and one of my all time favorite Halloween finds. It’s from SheIn, and is literally exactly how I would imagine Sally’s dress would be as a shirt. It’s super comfortable, and it even comes in plus sizes! I’m always looking for ways to bring Halloween esthetic to my work wear, and I’m beyond thrilled. Oh, and did I mention it is only $16?!?!!!
#nightmarebeforechristmas #halloween #sallycosplay #cosplay
  • When you are feeling Nightmare Before Christmas but need to practice clowns.... you get Sallywise! 
I challenged myself to get this done as quickly as possible, and originally had my timer set for 20 minutes... this one took about 45 including time to put on the wig, so all in all, not terrible considering I sometimes take a lot longer. The one thing I wish I would have spent more time on is the foundation, which wasn't as opaque as I would have liked, but overall, I really like this one!
#Nightmarebeforechristmas #sally #IT #pennywise #clowns
  • Pretty sure I will never quite learn how to stay serious... I seriously love this look so much! #colors #colorful #illgrowupsomday
  • The most beautiful thing about poetry is that the collection of words carries more emotion and meanings than the author may have ever intended. They shape these words into skeletons made of language that we flesh out with our emotions. It’s a living thing, always changing. Make sure to check out the poem that inspired this look on my last post! #poetry #artinspiration #myfavoritepoet #livingart
  • Teal hues
And suddenly
Your breath
Becomes violet
Clashing against
Rainbow soundwaves 
And that way crayons 
Leave broken trails
Of color
Behind ~ By @andrewcoonswriting 
#poetry #artinspiration #anxiety #depression #mentalhealth #myfavoritepoet #allthefeels
  • Fun fact: these paints really sting when they get in your eyes. I tried to get it as close to my waterline without actually getting it in my eyes... and I was not successful. Also, not sure I can take myself too seriously in any kind of clown makeup. #clowns #clownmakeup #hauntedhouse #pumpkinmakeup #pumpkins #jackolantern #jackolanternmakeup #mehron
  • I'm going to be doing makeup for a haunted house this year, and when i asked what common requests were, I was informed that clowns are super popular. Until today, I have never yet done a clown... im actually not a huge fan, and I can completely see why clowns are great for terrifying haunt visitors. I've been in more of a pumpkin mood lately, and thought it would be a good way to ease myself into the concept. #clowns #clownmakeup #hauntedhouse #pumpkinmakeup #pumpkins #jackolantern #jackolanternmakeup
  • They said there will be a lot of clowns, but I was feeling pumpkin vibes... and this was the result! I should go to bed, but I’m having too much fun to take this off just yet. 🎃Now for some spooky Netflix and popcorn, and pit bull snuggles on the couch. She’s giving me some side eye right now. #clownmakeup #hauntedhouse #pumpkinmakeup #pumpkins #jackolantern #jackolanternmakeup

@madlikealyce

Costume & Makeup Tutorials

Follow Me