I always find random things in my coat pockets when I transition from season to season, from old receipts to that pair of gloves I swore I lost! This time around, I found a note from last spring when I was just getting into the thick of my counseling. I cannot remember the exact assignment, but I’m pretty sure it was to list 5 things that are positive about me that I truly believe.
I have to say, this was probably my favorite find ever. It’s seems so simple to write down things you like about yourself, but remembering back to writing this note, I recall really struggling. I was so torn about the way I felt about myself, my confidence with my self image, and my confidence in what I could accomplish.
Reading it now, I really cannot believe how far I have come in the last year, and I cannot thank everyone that has been a part of my life in the last year enough. I’m actually so incredibly proud to announce that after 18 months of weekly sessions, I am finally to a place where I feel I can maintain without counseling.
That said, I know I am not perfect. I know I am not healed. What I have done is learn enough about my PTSD and the tools on how to manage it so that it no longer controls my life, and can now, finally, start my journey. Just 6 months ago, I thought back over the last 2.5 years from when I had left, and I was astounded that it had been over two years! The nightmare still seemed so fresh, the pain still so raw.
Fast forward 6 months to my inner monologue driving into work this morning. I was thinking about how long I had been at my current job, and realized with a start that I had only been out of college for 3 years this May, and I just couldn’t comprehend how it had only been 3 years! Even though I had been done with counseling for a few weeks now, this revelation really put my progress into perspective.
So as cheesy as these 5 things are, it was a lot of fun to take a peek at something I wrote when I really wanted to believe in them, and now, when I am more confident in them than I ever thought I could be.