My best friend introduced me to Panic! At The Disco my freshman year of college, and I immediately fell in love with their song, When the Day Met the Night. The lyrics tell a tale of the Moon meeting, and falling for, the Sun.
When the sun found the moon
She was drinking tea in a garden
Under the green umbrella trees
In the middle of summerWhen the moon found the sun
He looked like he was barely hanging on
But her eyes saved his life
In the middle of summer (summer)
Perhaps it was simply the gender assignments of the song, but I always had identified myself with the sun. Coincidentally, in terms of my love life, I had always sought out a moon. My mother would be the first person to tell you that I was the champion of the person who was down and out, who needed a leg up, whether they caused their own pain or not. My counselor named this overwhelming need to take care of and support those around me as my “mother hen” belief.
The problem with this was that every one of those relationships ended poorly, and in some cases, explosively. Ultimately, each one of those toxic encounters, acquaintances, and relationships took it’s toll on me until I no longer recognized who I was. Until the real me was buried under under layers of pain and medication, just a memory of my old self operating my body from the inside without actually touching. A disembodied ghost of myself that avoided the haunted nightmare my body was living in.
At the Pain Rehabilitation Clinic (PRC), I was given a gift that so many women in toxic situations never receive. Perspective. For a month, I lived in Rochester MN in a small furnished one bedroom apartment just across the street from the Mayo Clinic, where I could walk to the PRC each day. I was in a new environment, a safe environment, all on my own. I was surrounded each day by people who knew and understood my pain, and who poured out their love and companionship to me, allowing me to truly shine.
But I still didn’t get it.
For the next two years after I escaped, graduated, moved, worked my butt off trying to make it on my own, moved again, started over again… I still couldn’t figure it out.
It wasn’t until I met a Sun, when I realized that I was the Moon.
Really, it is about energy. Whether you are an introvert or extrovert, male or female, the way your interactions with your partner effect your personal energy, your light, are so important. As a moon I love reflecting light and love out to other people, brightening their darkness. The problem is that while I can sometimes shine as brightly as if it were day, I don’t always have enough energy to shine without having those stores replenished. I need someone I can work well with, that can help replenish my energy, that really supports me so I can truly shine. And I can be there to reflect that light back to them during their “night” so they don’t exhaust that seemingly endless supply of energy.
Whether you are the sun or the moon, find someone who gives you your light. Go out there and shine!
Hi! I'm Alyce. 
