Mad Like Alyce

Loving Myself: The Unintentional Benefit of Writing

Loving myself. This was a surprise side effect from starting this blog 3 years ago. It has grown quite a bit since, but then, so have I. It all started out from the need to start sharing my experiences… to share my story. To feel less alone. To find a way to express myself creatively but also to feel like I had a voice again. Years of struggling with PTSD and chronic pain made me feel like I had shuttered myself so completely within my own mind that I didn’t know if I could ever find an exit.

Finding my voice

And so it started. A small voice out on the sea of the internet, just needing to speak even if I wasn’t heard. But, much to my surprise, people listened, and I realized that I myself started actually listening to what was in my heart.

So I branched out, tried different things, experimented with photography, and food staging, and SFX makeup tutorials. Were they perfect? No. But they were fun, and my voice continued to grow stronger than my fear.

Even when things got a little out of wack (OK, a LOT out of wack) in the last year, I realized that I was starting to see myself as separate from the things I did, the things that happened to and around me. My voice, my confidence in who I am as a person was developing and I found that in roughest moments, it was still there. Even in the darkest times, I know that there are people around me that love me, support me,  and encourage me, even if I cannot see them in a moment without the light.

Self Image

Body positivity is starting to become a huge movement, and it is so interesting how this concept really is unique to every person. I will admit, I used to hate my body. It is a strong word, but it really did encapsulate everything about the emotions I had when looking at myself. Awful, right?

It wasn’t until the past few years that I really started to see myself differently. I’m at my heaviest weight I have ever seen, and yet, I am so proud of myself for everything else I have accomplished in the past few years that I feel that hating on myself for one area is just ridiculous. I used to feel like I had to lose weight a before my life could start. Only then could I get married, have kids, be successful in my career. Do the things I dreamed about. I know it wasn’t a healthy thought process, but I also don’t think it is that uncommon of an idea.. at least in the terms of feeling that there is some goal we have to accomplish before doing everything we want to do.

Learning through leadership

It was making connections with amazing people around me that helped me to start challenging this idea that I had to do things in a certain order. I see all of these incredible women around me. Writers, marketers, designers, CEOs, Directors, entrepreneurs, bloggers. Vibrant, successful women, following their passions. Do they have insecurities? Probably. But that isn’t what I see when I see them. I see people whose accomplishments I aspire towards. Whose behaviors and actions become guidance for who I want to be as a person. They are not perfect, and they are the most beautiful, inspiring, fabulous women in all of their flawed individuality. Through them, I started to see myself not by my weight, but by my actions. My goals. My accomplishments.

Love yourself

I came across this quote on Pintrest the other day, and I realized that of the four ways to love yourself, it is now the second two loves that I can do without thinking. I really do have better love for myself, in any form, weight, and regardless of any failures or successes. I had thought I had to lose weight before I could speak and act like I loved myself. I’ve started to see weight of a symptom rather than a shortcoming. To lose weight, I don’t need to change me, or judge myself. I need to find out what in my environment makes me unhappy, and make changes to get where I mentally need to be. The rest will follow.

Self love is an everlasting journey

Love yourself! Speak up about your fears, your ideas, your dreams. Surround yourself with people who will help build you up! Don’t regret those you need to remove or minimize in your life that bring you down. Work on letting things go that anchor you to the past, and hold onto those lessons that make you stronger for the future. I’m still learning, and likely always will be. But I’m finally taking confident steps forward.

 

Hello!

Hi! I'm Alyce.
Welcome to my journey towards living a happier and healthier life while living with PTSD and chronic pain... and never letting it keep me from my passion for Halloween, cooking, and way too many DIY projects... all at the same time!

Costume & Makeup Tutorials

Instagram

  • "Time to wake up." I have probably listened to the new TOP song over 100 (200? 100? Who's counting?) times by now. October 5 cannot get here fast enough! I wanted to pull something fast and simple together. #twentyonepilots #TOP #skeletonclique #losingmyfreakingmind #isitoctoberyet #jumpsuit #trench

The whole look was done with #mehron body paint. This wig also has me feeling my emo high school days... wig from Rockstar Wigs, but i'm not sure exactly which style it is.
  • "We've been here the whole time. You were asleep." No better way to jump back in to some makeup looks than being inspired by one of my all time favorite bands. Who else has "Jumpsuit" on repeat? 
#twentyonepilots #TOP #skeletonclique #losingmyfreakingmind #isitoctoberyet #jumpsuit #trench
  • "Sometimes, you just want things to stay the way they are forever. But you can’t. And they won’t." - Girl in Space

Because i'm trying this thing where I post each look in 3's to keep my Insta page even, and I seriously can't express how hauntingly gorgeous the intros are for each Girl in Space episode. I'm re-listening to the episodes now, and I so excited for 109 since I have NO CLUE what is going to happen! Also, after a few weeks without looking at them, this is one of my favorite pictures, and I can't believe I didn't post it first!
  • "Yeah, I’m glad I’m back, too." Episode 108 of the @girlinspacepodcast  left me with SO MANY QUESTIONS!!! Is Kai alive? Where the heck is Thor? Who is the "lion's paw?" But the biggest unknown is just how important the dwarf star "Ra" is likely to become in the plot of 109... and is why Ra is included in my makeup! The warm glowing orb on my eye is in reference to my suspicions that Ra will soon become a much more relevant part of the Girl in Space plot very soon. #girlinspace #findme #nomurdering #savekillbot #prayforkai
  • Galaxy in action! Quick peek at the movement of the makeup before I put on my wig, which covered a lot of the detail. Gotta love that "sunshine" glare on the shiny black surface! I bought a finishing powder this week to hopefully counteract this in the future. Or just back away from the light.... :P
  • Disappearing into the music...
I was really digging my latest playlist when I started my galaxy makeup last weekend, so I started blacking out everything besides my face to procrastinate taking off my headphones. I took this photo halfway through to see how well I would blend into my background, and kind of liked how this "progress" shot turned out. Funny thing was, this was the last pic where I had a true infinite background, my camera (phone) couldn't quite hang once I was fully blacked out. Time to consider a real camera?
  • Let yourself be found... Another shot of my galaxy inspired by the @girlinspacepodcast. If you haven't heard of this AMAZING audio novella, I highly recommend... trust me, you are in for a treat! #girlinspace #findme #nomurdering 
This look took around 3 hours, and while I love the images with the wig, it covered up a lot of the detail. If you try a galaxy look, allow yourself some patience. It didn't look like a lot until I was well into adding color. Take it slow, and keep layering colors, and suddenly it will start to take shape!

This look was completed using @mehronmakeup paradise paints from the standard, pastels, and brilliant pallets.
  • Find me... This galaxy makeup is inspired by my FAVORITE audio novella,@girlinspacepodcast, though I may be a bit biased. If you haven't yet started listening, you are in for a treat! Enter the world of the character "X" aboard the Cavatica, as she monitors the radiation from the Red Dawrf Star, Ra. Alone.

Season one is still in progress, so there is plenty of time to join the fun! #girlinspace #findme #nomurdering

This look was completed using @mehronmakeup paradise paints from the standard, pastels, and brilliant pallets. Honestly, this is the most color intensive look I have done so far, I had cosmetic wedges everywhere! I pulled it together with a @rockstarwigs long curly in Very Berry.
  • Finally, the last in my “sketched” look (for now). Thieve last few weeks have been absolutely insane, and im still processing. I’m going to have to set aside some time for another look this week, there is something so tranquil about turning yourself into a blank canvas in the most literal sense.

@madlikealyce

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