Mad Like Alyce

Loving Myself: The Unintentional Benefit of Writing

Loving myself. This was a surprise side effect from starting this blog 3 years ago. It has grown quite a bit since, but then, so have I. It all started out from the need to start sharing my experiences… to share my story. To feel less alone. To find a way to express myself creatively but also to feel like I had a voice again. Years of struggling with PTSD and chronic pain made me feel like I had shuttered myself so completely within my own mind that I didn’t know if I could ever find an exit.

Finding my voice

And so it started. A small voice out on the sea of the internet, just needing to speak even if I wasn’t heard. But, much to my surprise, people listened, and I realized that I myself started actually listening to what was in my heart.

So I branched out, tried different things, experimented with photography, and food staging, and SFX makeup tutorials. Were they perfect? No. But they were fun, and my voice continued to grow stronger than my fear.

Even when things got a little out of wack (OK, a LOT out of wack) in the last year, I realized that I was starting to see myself as separate from the things I did, the things that happened to and around me. My voice, my confidence in who I am as a person was developing and I found that in roughest moments, it was still there. Even in the darkest times, I know that there are people around me that love me, support me,  and encourage me, even if I cannot see them in a moment without the light.

Self Image

Body positivity is starting to become a huge movement, and it is so interesting how this concept really is unique to every person. I will admit, I used to hate my body. It is a strong word, but it really did encapsulate everything about the emotions I had when looking at myself. Awful, right?

It wasn’t until the past few years that I really started to see myself differently. I’m at my heaviest weight I have ever seen, and yet, I am so proud of myself for everything else I have accomplished in the past few years that I feel that hating on myself for one area is just ridiculous. I used to feel like I had to lose weight a before my life could start. Only then could I get married, have kids, be successful in my career. Do the things I dreamed about. I know it wasn’t a healthy thought process, but I also don’t think it is that uncommon of an idea.. at least in the terms of feeling that there is some goal we have to accomplish before doing everything we want to do.

Learning through leadership

It was making connections with amazing people around me that helped me to start challenging this idea that I had to do things in a certain order. I see all of these incredible women around me. Writers, marketers, designers, CEOs, Directors, entrepreneurs, bloggers. Vibrant, successful women, following their passions. Do they have insecurities? Probably. But that isn’t what I see when I see them. I see people whose accomplishments I aspire towards. Whose behaviors and actions become guidance for who I want to be as a person. They are not perfect, and they are the most beautiful, inspiring, fabulous women in all of their flawed individuality. Through them, I started to see myself not by my weight, but by my actions. My goals. My accomplishments.

Love yourself

I came across this quote on Pintrest the other day, and I realized that of the four ways to love yourself, it is now the second two loves that I can do without thinking. I really do have better love for myself, in any form, weight, and regardless of any failures or successes. I had thought I had to lose weight before I could speak and act like I loved myself. I’ve started to see weight of a symptom rather than a shortcoming. To lose weight, I don’t need to change me, or judge myself. I need to find out what in my environment makes me unhappy, and make changes to get where I mentally need to be. The rest will follow.

Self love is an everlasting journey

Love yourself! Speak up about your fears, your ideas, your dreams. Surround yourself with people who will help build you up! Don’t regret those you need to remove or minimize in your life that bring you down. Work on letting things go that anchor you to the past, and hold onto those lessons that make you stronger for the future. I’m still learning, and likely always will be. But I’m finally taking confident steps forward.

 

Hello!

Hi! I'm Alyce.
Welcome to my journey towards living a happier and healthier life while living with PTSD and chronic pain... and never letting it keep me from my passion for Halloween, cooking, and way too many DIY projects... all at the same time!

Costume & Makeup Tutorials

Instagram

  • Good things happen when you leave the apartment for the first time in a week! These must've gotten dropped off when I was taking a nap, I opened my front door to find this gorgeous Halloween bouquet on my doormat from @bkbecker! I just can't get over those adorable bats!!! #ihavethebestfriends #halloween
  • Rose Madder has an ethereal beauty and raw feminine power, however, something is off... something not quite human. The shadows under her skin would be perhaps leprosy, perhaps something worse, and her eyes are rabid with madness. “Don't look at her face! That is not for the likes of you.”
She was fascinated by the texture of the woman's back, her bare shoulder, and the lower part of her neck. The skin was finer than watered silk. But farther up on her neck... Rosie didn't know what those grey Shadows lurking just below her hairline could be, and didn't think she wanted to know. Bites were her first wild thought, but they weren't bites. Rosie knew bites. Was it leprosy? Something worse? Something contagious? 
Products used in this look are: 
Woochie cream makeup in Dead Guy Grey, @mehronmakeup aqua color in white and gray, Light green cream makeup from the zombie color set from Woochie, Eyeshadows from the @tartecosmetics artist palette.
Gold aqua color from the Mehron brilliant palette, @bennyemakeup bruise wheel.
Full tutorial on the blog!
  • One of the reasons I love Stephen King novels is because he illustrates just enough of the character for your imagination to kick in and fill in the horrifying details that make it real and terrifying for each individual. Because this has never before been made into a motion picture I was really excited to be able to make my own spin on how Rose Madder would appear for round 3 of the #StrykingFEAR contest. Check out the full tutorial, now up on the blog, link in bio!
  • Here is my entry for round 3 of the #StrykingFEAR contest. Inspired by the recent excitement around the movie IT, I wanted to create a character from another of my favorite Stephen King novels, Rose Madder. The book is set in the late 80s or early nineties but I would imagine that it would be produced in the style of many of his older movies from the 70s and 80s such as The Shining, Carrie, or Salem's Lot.
This novel is unique to me because it includes elements of Greek mythology which is a different angle for Stephen King, and also because it covers the topic of domestic abuse, and with October also being domestic abuse awareness month I felt that it was very timely. In the book, Rose Madder is an “almost goddess” that saves the main character, Rosie, by showing her how to empower herself and escape from her abusive husband. 
One of the reasons I love Stephen King novels is because he illustrates just enough of the character for your imagination to kick in and fill in the horrifying details that make it real and terrifying for each individual. Because this has never before been made into a motion picture I was really excited to be able to make my own spin on how Rose Madder would appear.
Rose Madder has an ethereal beauty and raw feminine power, however, something is off... something not quite human. The shadows under her skin would be perhaps leprosy, perhaps something worse, and her eyes are rabid with madness. “Don't look at her face! That is not for the likes of you.”
  • Super excited to be entering the #StrykingFEAR Contest! It all started when I came across the round one intro video from @miss_stryx back in August. Suddenly I had a deliciously horrifying idea that has led to an awesome collaboration with @jibclimmer and I was more excited about Halloween this year then I have been for any years prior. Thanks @miss_stryx for the inspiration! Since I had to rush everything because of my surgery last week, I'm still working on editing and will actually be posting the rounds in reverse order. Round three coming up soon!
  • It's showtime!!!! It's been an interesting last week recovering  from my recent shoulder surgery, but in between bouts of falling asleep randomly and mindlessly watching television, I've been able to work on some of the video to tutorials I shot prior to the surgery. These are gonna be coming at you here pretty soon! In the meantime, here is my Beetlejuice from last year which you can find a tutorial for on the blog, both make up and costume! Link in bio.
  • I didn't want to say anything, then... or even now. But what someone else decided to do became a part of who I am now. A part of the damage I will always carry. My voice may have been small while I put myself together. Until I learned that the part of me that I am proudest of, the strength in me to overcome, is something you will never take. #metoo
  • Should have known #fridaythe13th would be the PERFECT day to start shooting my next project. You guys... I can't even begin to say how excited I am to share it with you, but for now, a quick peek.
  • Even in death, #pumpkinspice is life! Zombie walks are popping up all around the country, and if you want to wear your costume early as a "zombie" but don't want to actually damage the costume, this basic zombie is perfect! Or for me, it's a casual October Saturday....

@madlikealyce

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