Mad Like Alyce

Living with Anxiety

living with anxiety featureOne of the greatest lessons I learned about living with PTSD was that I have a mental disorder. What I mean by this is that I am NORMAL. I spent years feeling like I was less than, broken, or inadequate because of the struggles in my mind. Because I am always exhausted from silencing irrational thoughts, from corralling my train of thought and keeping it on the path. Always afraid that someone will see through the face I show to the world and see the swirling pain and terror I hide.

I judged myself for struggling to get up in the morning. I judged myself for not responding to people the way I should. I judged myself when, in a moment of exhaustion, I would let down my guard and the pain would get away from me, pulling me swiftly down the rabbit hole. I judged myself for not being normal, and grieved the fact that I never would be.

It was once I started to write my feelings, to talk to others, that I realized a freeing truth. I AM normal. Women all around me struggle with many of the same feelings of inadequacy, of exhaustion. There are so many around me also living with anxiety, PTSD, depression. I still will often judge myself, but those thoughts are now interspersed with praise. Being able to say to myself, “Look how quickly I got through that trigger!” and how I would see a trigger coming hours in advance and preparing a safe place for myself to work through it, and recognizing after only 30 minutes, “A year ago, that panic attack would have lasted for hours…”

So, I hope I can start to be that voice for you. You ARE normal. You are wonderful. You are a warrior. You are Alice in Wonderland. So when you fall down the rabbit hole, know you have friends here and are never alone.

Hello!

Hi! I'm Alyce.
Welcome to my journey towards living a happier and healthier life while living with PTSD and chronic pain... and never letting it keep me from my passion for Halloween, cooking, and way too many DIY projects... all at the same time!

Instagram

  • One last look at this (insightful? Revealing?) makeup! I actually really loved the eyes by themselves, and they took a good 2 hours themselves. A good challenge in trying to make a flat art of round objects translated on a curved surface! #eyeseeyou #eyeball #eyes #makeupartist #inspiredbyart
Inspire by art by @xsullo
  • Eye see you! I also understand I’m not funny, it’s ok. 😂
This was actually a fun challenge, eyes are really complex and took nearly 2 hours to get them where I was happy. Of all of this, I’m really proud of the detail I was able to get in the irises of each eye, and my blocked eyebrow almost completely disappeared! This actually looks amazing compared to the first time I blocked them out. Yay for progress! #eyeseeyou #eyeball #horrormakeup #horrorart 
Inspired by art from @xsullo
  • I love finding inspiration in new places, and when @bearded_horror shared artwork by @xsullo a week or so ago, I knew I had to give it a try as a makeup! Seriously, such amazing art. I hope I did it justice! Check out their profile to see even more incredible works and compare to the original.
  • After this photoshoot im not sure how to go back to my plain black background... I mean if there isn’t ominous fog in the background, does it really even count?!?! #fogmachine #clownmakeup #scareactress #hauntlife #evietheclown
  • This is my level of excitement right now! The love I have gotten for Evie over the past few days have been amazing, thank you all so much! #clown #clownmakeup #clowns #hauntlife #scareactress
  • That’s not a Wiley grin, that’s me clamping my teeth together so I stopped chattering. This spring was BRUTAL in SD, and it was in the 30s when we shot this in an unheated parking garage. #clowningaround #clownmakeup #scareactor #scareactress #hauntlife
  • Evie is probably my favorite full-costume character I’ve created to date. It’s so fun to think a practice look I made for haunt last year will be a fully fledged character come haunt season next year! Also, I NEED these light bars @jibclimmer used in this shoot. If anyone has a few hundred dollars to donate to the cause just let me know. 😉 #clown #clownmakeup #hauntedhouse #hauntlife #makeupartist
  • If only @grave_digger_the_clown would learn to share, Evie wouldn’t have to steal his shovel! #justclowningaround #clown #clownmakeup #hauntlife photography credit goes to the incredibly talented @jibclimmer
  • Hey guys! It’s been a hell of last few months, but trust me, I’ve been busy! I’d like to introduce my newest character, Evie the Clown! Thanks so much to @jibclimmer for these incredible photos... more to come very shortly. #clown #clownmakeup #hauntlife

@madlikealyce

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