Mad Like Alyce

Living with Anxiety

living with anxiety featureOne of the greatest lessons I learned about living with PTSD was that I have a mental disorder. What I mean by this is that I am NORMAL. I spent years feeling like I was less than, broken, or inadequate because of the struggles in my mind. Because I am always exhausted from silencing irrational thoughts, from corralling my train of thought and keeping it on the path. Always afraid that someone will see through the face I show to the world and see the swirling pain and terror I hide.

I judged myself for struggling to get up in the morning. I judged myself for not responding to people the way I should. I judged myself when, in a moment of exhaustion, I would let down my guard and the pain would get away from me, pulling me swiftly down the rabbit hole. I judged myself for not being normal, and grieved the fact that I never would be.

It was once I started to write my feelings, to talk to others, that I realized a freeing truth. I AM normal. Women all around me struggle with many of the same feelings of inadequacy, of exhaustion. There are so many around me also living with anxiety, PTSD, depression. I still will often judge myself, but those thoughts are now interspersed with praise. Being able to say to myself, “Look how quickly I got through that trigger!” and how I would see a trigger coming hours in advance and preparing a safe place for myself to work through it, and recognizing after only 30 minutes, “A year ago, that panic attack would have lasted for hours…”

So, I hope I can start to be that voice for you. You ARE normal. You are wonderful. You are a warrior. You are Alice in Wonderland. So when you fall down the rabbit hole, know you have friends here and are never alone.

Hello!

Hi! I'm Alyce.
Welcome to my journey towards living a happier and healthier life while living with PTSD and chronic pain... and never letting it keep me from my passion for Halloween, cooking, and way too many DIY projects... all at the same time!

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