For those of you who have wondered what the heck this “Farrell’s” thing I have kept mentioning is… I started doing Farrell’s Xtreme Bodyshaping. The gist is that it is an intense kickboxing class that is 45 minutes per day, 6 days a week, for 10 weeks. 3 days a week is cardio/kickboxing and the other 3 days are resistance band training. Its considered to be a pretty intense workout around town, and I waffled with the idea of doing it for 2 years… but i’m actually really glad I didn’t do it until now.
My journey from self loathing to loving fitness
When I first looked into it 2 years ago, I was frustrated with my weight, and had this “OMG I cannot take another summer feeling like crap in everything” perspective. I’m sure it varies by person, but for me… I actually don’t really like summer. I get sweaty, have to wear spandex under dresses to prevent chub rub (this is more my body shape than weight, however. I could lose a ton of weight and still have this). I don’t like the way I look in shorts, and layers are darn near impossible to pull off without amping up the sweat factor, and I have a really difficult time finding swimsuits that make me feel good. Ultimately, it was the cost that prevented me from joining.
A year later, just after I had my moment of motivation last year in January, I started thinking a bit differently about my health. It wasn’t as much that I wanted to lose weight, but that I just wanted to feel better about myself and I can honestly say that a clear majority of this feeling was more health related than body image. I was shocked when I couldn’t climb to the top of the climbing wall on a company trip. I knew I was certainly out of shape, but something about feeling my muscles fail before my mind gave up… I knew it was time to make a change. I had been focusing so much on improving my mental health, and I really wanted to begin bringing a physical health focus back to the game. I spent about 3 months hitting it hard and thought about taking the plunge for Farrell’s for their summer session… and then hurt myself. After waffling around with taping and chiropractic, I finally went into the doctor who confirmed a high ankle sprain (a separation of the long bones in the leg) and was booted for 6 weeks… in the muggy July heat.
Finally, in September, I returned from a trip out to my Grandma’s in Reno, Nevada to weight myself in at the highest weight I had seen in 4 years… it I would be lying if I said it wasn’t a punch in the gut. But I also wasn’t that surprised. I was so unhappy with how I felt, even though I was far more confident in my body and who I am. I just wanted more for myself. I could do better. I wanted better for myself. I deserve it.
No more excuses
After my ankle injury, I kept making excuses of why I couldn’t do this or that. Why I couldn’t sign up for Farrell’s just now. I kept waiting for the right time. And then I realized I was kidding myself. The time was never going to be perfect, and I didn’t have to be perfect at it (key point there!). The truth of it all is that I missed exercise, but I kept trying to think of ways to “trick” myself into workouts. I get bored easy… self motivation and self control are not really my strong suits. Classes that I can show up to and be led through are perfect for me. I can show up and let my mind shut down, just let myself go through the class and disconnect from everything going on in my head… and ultimately, what is better than 6 days of intense classes each week?
Falling for Fitness
The honest truth to this is that I really do love exercise, but after developing chronic pain, it became a love/hate relationship. Doing too much (without even realizing it at the time) could put me into a flare-up spiral, but there is nothing better to combat the daily pain than feeling the endorphins from a good workout. From feeling the muscles in your body. From actually connecting to the body that you so often feel has betrayed you. I love feeling sore, as long as I know there is a real cause for that soreness… something I earned.
Even more than that, I miss being proud of my physical accomplishments, and I even missed the thrill from those few short months last year when I started running more than I thought I ever could. I wanted to push past barriers… and I am so excited to tell you how Farrell’s was the perfect springboard for me to do this.
P.S. So I have actually finished my first 10 weeks of Farrell’s, and am now continuing on as a FIT (Farrell’s Infinite Transformation) member! Stay tuned for my 10 week results!