Mad Like Alyce

The breadcrumb trail of credits

Recently, I pulled my college transcript for various applications and it was a bit of a heartbreaking trip down memory lane. I had to figure out my Major GPA (why don’t they just put it on there?!?!?) which required me to go through each semester, identify classes from my core classes, and calculate the GPA. In doing this, I was taking a close look at all of the classes I had been enrolled in, and while it was certainly nostalgic… it ultimately made me sad for the person I was at that time. For the girl struggling with things that were bigger than her. I’m proud of what I overcame, but as I started reviewing that freshman year… my heart ached for what that girl had yet to face.

See, I didn’t have the typical college experience. For the first two years or so I was your typical student, give or take, but by the end of my freshman year there was definitely something wrong…. I just couldn’t put my finger on it at the time. Looking back now, I see that I was starting to experience symptoms of my PTSD, manifesting as extreme anxiety. But with no frame of reference for what was happening, I just kept pushing forward.

Reliving those courses… and life lessons

It suddenly hit me when I saw my Summer class in 2009. I was nearly bowled over with the memories of living in a tent in Sturgis while working at the Sturgis Motorcycle Rally and riding around on my little Yamaha, studying with coffee at McDonalds and then going to the local library to take online quizzes before working from Noon to Midnight every day. It was the last normal class I had for nearly 2 years. I was also filled with a sense resembling dread as I continued on to the remaining semesters.

I recall that next semester when my health, mental stability, and life seemed to fall apart. A teacher I was close with recommended that I drop out of school until I managed to get everything figured out… and I have to admit that this recommendation nearly destroyed me at the time. When my self worth and confidence was at an all time low and I was terrified that I was losing control of my mind, becoming a college dropout was the last thing I wanted to do. So I toughed it out. I registered on campus for disability, which allowed me to get a handicap parking pass and certain attendance allowances in my classes, which saved my butt many times in the next year.

She was probably right

Reviewing it years later, as heartbreaking as it is to admit, I can now see why she recommended it. I watched my grades go from A’s and B’s to a solid set of C’s for nearly two years. So, perhaps she was right. But at that time, I felt like the only thing I had left was my pride.

Even with that dip in my college life, I managed to pull things together. My grades, especially in my final year, went back to normal. I had a great job at the time. I was getting off of my meds, I went through rehab, and I escaped from my abusive ex, all while finishing my degree. So perhaps I don’t have a great GPA, or wild and crazy stories from my days at state. Perhaps I only have one close friend from college. But I couldn’t be more proud of who I am today, and I wouldn’t change who I’ve become.

Hello!

Hi! I'm Alyce.
Welcome to my journey towards living a happier and healthier life while living with PTSD and chronic pain... and never letting it keep me from my passion for Halloween, cooking, and way too many DIY projects... all at the same time!

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  • She’s too cute to be a scary clown, unlike her counterparts. The green stripes are in reference to Cringe’s twin, Sinister the Clown. The masks are the same, but slightly different pain, I might have to give Sinister some love as well. #hauntlife #clown #clownmakeup #sfxmua
  • Another makeup I did before haunt started that I wanted to get up@yet this year. I was trying to force myself to do makeup outside of my haunt duties, so i went for recreating one our our actual clowns, Cringe! I believe his actual mask was done by Shattered FX. #clown #clownmakeup #sfxmua
  • You can almost ignore the lip placement on this one. What look should I do next? Ive been in a dark place for the last two months, and while I’m feeling like myself again enough to want to do something, I’m also thinking it won’t necessarily be a “bright” or cheery look. Maybe I’ll surprise myself. #grinch #grinchmas #grinchmakeup #sfxmua
  • You guys are so wonderful! I’ve gotten great feedback from friends, and I’m starting to see past what bothered me before. I need to start loving myself a bit more, and stop letting my self doubt from getting in my way. #grinchmas #grinchmakeup #sfxmua
  • Ever create something that didn’t live up to your expectations, so you didn’t share it? When I did my Grinch last year, I wanted to take inspiration from one of my favorite horror artists, @mrrevenge, and modify that grin onto what I already had. It was 2am when I started making my evil version, so i took a shortcut by trying to save most of my cheek wrinkles, and it caused the mouth placement to be off. Looking back now, I still wish I had done the mouth differently, but I can always try it again. #progressnotperfection #nofilter #sfxmua #grinch
  • Finishing up the Shego 3pack in the hopes I will do something new here in the next week. I’ve been utterly exhausted since haunt... I have too much of my introvert self up in the past 5 months and it’s taken everything I had. The last month has been good recovery. I’m working on setting new goals and starting to feel excited about makeup related things again. Take care of yourselves  introverts. #selfcare #introvert #hauntlife
  • “I got an early parole, only here to say hi.” Can’t stop Shego feom@coming back atcha! Ok, serious question, who wants to see a glam Dr. Drakken? #kimpossible #shego #halloween
  • Got to work with my sister on a test makeup for her Halloween costume and we both did Shego makeup together! I know she has black hair, but my only black wig just wasn’t working. She did fantastic for her first time! #shego #kimpossible #sistermakeup
  • When you are so busy with #hauntlife you forget you have Instagram. I’m pulling together a video shoot for our haunt trailer video and an #sfxmakeup internship for aspiring artists. I sleep too, sometimes.

@madlikealyce

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