Mad Like Alyce

Appreciating Alcohol

I’ve always been a bit of a lightweight. Perhaps it is because I am so similar to my mother who after two drinks is a whole new level of ecstatic at Christmas. I’m unfortunately the same way. Two drinks and I’m pleasantly buzzed and a third does me in for the night. I am a huge wine fan, and with one day each week on the Farrell’s diet for a “Fun Day” wine almost always makes the cut.

The downside is that I feel I have a small window of that fun, uninhibited creativity before I just want to go to sleep, and tonight I was debating the merits of opening a bottle and taking the risk of tanking some of that productive energy. While making supper, I was thinking back to how productive I was in college and wondering how I managed it, and then realized with the force of a ton of bricks that I had forgotten just how my relationship to alcohol was at that time.

My Relationship with Alcohol

It was this that made me realize that my abusive relationship with my ex was just as much with alcohol as it was with him. After every explosive drinking binge, I would get a great week filled with flowers, and mostly kindness, and most of all, near sobriety. He would avoid the drink in an attempt to remedy the increased damage he had inflicted on me. But it was always short lived. As the weekend approached, he would find an excuse to go to his usual haunt with the usual suspects, and while it might not have been as bad as the last episode, it would start the whole cycle over anew, and my internal clock would begin to count down the days to when it all would go to hell again. And in the most literal sense of it, the waiting itself was the worst hell.

My booze-free college days

All of my college years didn’t go down like this. For the first couple, I had a great time with friends, going out and having a great time. I had a boyfriend freshman and sophomore year, and there were some great times enjoying a beverage and playing cards late into the night. But after that relationship ended poorly and my PTSD got way out of my control and chronic pain decided to join the party, alcohol became something of a boon. For one, I was from that point forward on very strong medications, none of which played well with alcohol. Overtime I became comfortable with dosages and knew when I could indulge, but for the most part, I didn’t feel well enough to go out with friends and I self medicated not with alcohol, but with food.

By the time I met my ex, I quickly learned that alcohol would be a clear indicator of things going wrong. Whether the alcohol caused it or was something that entered the scene after the tailspins would start, I may never know. What I do know is that if I drank, it gave him an excuse to go way over the top and it always ended poorly. Because of this, I never really drank. He would find plenty of excuses to get obliterated and mean on his own without me handing it to him on a silver platter.

Learning to enjoy wine

Perhaps this is why I just never understood the value of going out to “get hammered” or lose control over myself. To me, it was just dangerous to so many levels. Its amusing to realize that I really only started to enjoy going out and having a glass of wine after I had turned 24 and was well into my first job after college… more importantly, a good 9 months after I had put my ex in my rear-view.

It also was a clear sign to me just how far I have come, to be able to have forgotten something that had been such an ingrained practice for so long. So I opened that bottle and poured a glass for the evening.

Cheers to moving on and healing!

Hello!

Hi! I'm Alyce.
Welcome to my journey towards living a happier and healthier life while living with PTSD and chronic pain... and never letting it keep me from my passion for Halloween, cooking, and way too many DIY projects... all at the same time!

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  • Maybe Christmas doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas... perhaps... means a little bit more. 
Super excited that my family is NOT doing gifts this year! We are all just bringing a side dish, dessert, and a board game for some quality family time. What are you doing for Christmas? #thegrinchwhostolechristmas #whoville #grinch #grinchchristmas #christmasmovies #grinchmas
  • Even if I wanted to go, my schedule wouldn't allow it! 4 o'clock: wallow in self pity. 4:30: stare into the abyss. 5 o'clock: solve world hunger (tell no one). 5:30: jazzercise. 6:30: dinner with me, I can't cancel that again! 7 o'clock: wrestle with my self loathing. I'm booked! Course if I bump the loathing to 9 I can still be done in time to lay in bed, stare at the ceiling and slip slowly into madness. But what would I wear! #thegrinchwhostolechristmas #whoville #grinch #grinchchristmas #christmasmovies
  • "I'm gunna throw up... and then I'm going to DIIIIIIIEEEEEEEE!"
Probably my favorite line in the entire movie, so much so that it has stuck with me for years. This is often how my anxiety feels like, and I think of this line from the Grinch often when I'm struggling, even at the height of summer! So, the Grinch is a bit near and dear to my heart, and no one will ever take Jim Carrey's place in my heart, even if if it does grow three sizes. #grinch #thegrinchthatstolechristmas #christmas #grinchmakeup
  • I’ve never actually smoked a day in my life. #frosty #frostythesnowman #glamfrosty #winter #wintermakeup
  • One of the reasons I liked this makeup so much was the incredibly simple nose. I’ve tried some looks in the past and I don’t know if it was the white face, orange nose, or just my lack of makeup experience, but I hated them. Instead of trying to literally draw a carrot, this is just a nod in that direction. Also, I’m not one for glitter but I really dig these eyes! Good thing I like them, because I still have glitter on my face. #glitter #frosty #wintermakeup
  • Sticking with my winter theme, it’s Frosty! Ok, this one is a great example of why I love the internet. I saw an AMAZING frosty photo on an Instagram feature account and took a screenshot because I was dying to recreate it. Normally I make sure I have the artists handle in the screenshot so I can tag them if I ever do try it, but somehow missed it this time. To find her, I took to YouTube to find @victorialyn ’s tutorial, and I’m completely blown away with not only the makeup, but the production quality of her videos. I know how much time and effort something like that takes and they are so much fun to watch, even if you don’t plan on doing the makeup in the tutorial. I love finding new artists to follow and be inspired by! #frosty #frostythesnowman #winter
  • The last look at my Frostbite! What other injury makeups could be considered "Holiday"? or at least timely for winter? Or should I do something more glam next? I have half a mind to save more gory winter looks for January when i'm no longer feeling the warm and fuzzies when it snows! #winter #frostbite #frostbitemakeup #sfx #sfxmua
  • "Walking in a Winter Wonderland"
Im really pleased with how this turned out! I know it's no super glamorous but creating actual injuries and skin conditions is a great challenge. I'll spare you the reference material, but it was fun trying to re-create the blistering, as gross as that sounds. Stay warm my friends! #frostbite #frostbitemakeup #winterwonderland #sfxmakeup #sfxmua
  • "Baby it's cold outside."
This look inspired by a 3 hour drive in a blizzard last weekend. It actually wasn't too bad, mostly just excruciatingly slow, but living in SD, I know how dangerous it can be going off the road in bad conditions. #frostbite #SFX #sfxmakeup #brrrrrr #sfxwound

@madlikealyce

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