Mad Like Alyce

To the nurse who encouraged me through a trigger

When you have PTSD, there are all kinds of little things that can set off a trigger. A phrase. A sound. A touch. A smell. I certainly experience these on a fairly regular basis, and each time… I’m frustrated. Even though I know the triggers themselves are beyond my control, I just simply have to focus on what I DO have control over and manage my reaction to said trigger.

But as with all things in life… there is one that gets me every time. Needles. Now, I have always been afraid of needles. I was the child that had to be held down by 4 dads for my kindergarten shots, and who locked myself in the bathroom at the doctor’s office at age 9 because I didn’t want to do a blood draw. Over time, I started to at least tolerate this fear… until suddenly I couldn’t. Perhaps this phobia was exasperated by my PTSD, but since I started experiencing my PTSD symptoms I have continued to struggle.

Now, I still allow shots and give blood, etc. I just handle it to varying degrees. Shots make me extremely shaky. Giving blood (Just a little for tests. A donation would be the end of me!) often makes me pass out. But when it comes to an IV… checkmate. It’s not the fact that it is getting put in but that it is still there that gets me. Like a violation of the very substance that makes my physical being. I try so hard to tough it out… but usually don’t make it too long before breaking down into hysterical sobbing. It’s not fun for me, and its not fun for whoever is placing said IV.

I’ve had over 10 medical procedures in the last 6 years that have required the use of an IV, and much to my incredible embarrassment and humiliation… I have reacted this way. Every. Single. Time. Anytime I interact with a medical professional and the use of a needle is required, I warn them. But when it comes to an IV, I still don’t think they are fully prepared. Their reactions have varied. Some surgeons were wonderful and allowed me to be put out before the IV was placed. Others would chastise me and comment on how this is what happens to spoiled children, as if my PTSD was a by-product of my upbringing. I even had an anesthesiologist attempt to make me reschedule to a different facility, as if I wasn’t humiliated enough.

But for my most recent procedure, I had a very different experience and it was all because of you. When I explained my predicament, you listened without judgment. Understanding my fears, you brought me something for the anxiety. When the meds were not kicking in fast enough, you held my hand and asked me if I would be ok to proceed.  I made it further into the whole procedure before crying than I ever had before, and when the sobbing began you kept your composure and encouraged me. I know that type of bedside manner is often reserved for children… or at least that’s how I feel. Regardless of what you actually felt about administering to a sobbing 20-something woman over an IV, you made the procedure far less traumatic then it could have been.

So even if you went back to the nursing station and exclaimed to your co-workers about the hysterical woman in bed 12, or complained to your husband later that night, I still will never be able to tell you how much your understanding and compassion in those moments meant to me. Just know that on that day, you made such a huge difference to me, and getting me safely through a trigger is no small feat. Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

Hello!

Hi! I'm Alyce.
Welcome to my journey towards living a happier and healthier life while living with PTSD and chronic pain... and never letting it keep me from my passion for Halloween, cooking, and way too many DIY projects... all at the same time!

Costume & Makeup Tutorials

Instagram

  • I didn't want to say anything, then... or even now. But what someone else decided to do became a part of who I am now. A part of the damage I will always carry. My voice may have been small while I put myself together. Until I learned that the part of me that I am proudest of, the strength in me to overcome, is something you will never take. #metoo
  • Should have known #fridaythe13th would be the PERFECT day to start shooting my next project. You guys... I can't even begin to say how excited I am to share it with you, but for now, a quick peek.
  • Even in death, #pumpkinspice is life! Zombie walks are popping up all around the country, and if you want to wear your costume early as a "zombie" but don't want to actually damage the costume, this basic zombie is perfect! Or for me, it's a casual October Saturday....
  • Do you get to 3pm and feel like a total zombie without a caffeine jolt? Hey, me too! A playful take on the #basic girl, this is a tutorial that can give your costume zombie chic without the wounds and gore. Grab that #pumpkinspice latte and tackle those next few hours like the newly undead!
  • Brains... it's what's for dinner! Damir and I are at a place where he no longer questions brains in the fridge. #relationshipgoals #halloween #brains #brain #sfxmakeup #sfxmakeupartist
  • The easiest surgery recovery! If only I would bounce back from the real surgery as fast... instead of 6 weeks in a sling. This video shows just how easy these gel prosthetics are to remove, as opposed to spirit gum or pros-aid which require remover products.
  • After a year of having an injured shoulder, I am finally going to have surgery! For real... not this tutorial. But it IS inspired by my upcoming surgery, and the tutorial also contains a bit of a PSA on how you need to always keep fighting for your health and find a doctor who will fight with you. A MRI mistake lead to 9 months of additional pain, frustration, and medical costs. I'll get to spend this Halloween relaxing at home (in a sling) watching scary movies! Tutorial on the blog, link in bio!
  • Bruises are a great way to add interest to any Halloween costume, but I actually appreciate them for their behavior based on anatomy. They layers and shape you give your bruise are what can make you average injury go from "ouch" to "wow!" And just a slight change in these layers can show healing, or signs of deathly rot. I love making makeup bruises, mostly because I never recall how I get them in real life... I just run into things a lot apparently. The tutorial is on the blog, link in bio!
  • When you find the perfect coat in a consignment store to play Georgie from IT. But you know me, this coat would be ruined with sfx makeup and $50 was just a bit more than I wanted to spend. #cosplay #it #stephenking #halloweenmakeup #halloween #pennywise #georgie

@madlikealyce

Follow Me