Mad Like Alyce

I am not the same as I was in December

Sorry for the silence, it’s been an interesting last week. It is incredible how much physical energy our minds can consume, and this yet again made an appearance over Memorial Day weekend. With a cold bringing down to my energy reserves and a trip to Minneapolis planned, I knew it was going to be an exhausting weekend. In addition to my already lagging energy, I had to face two very large triggers that were waiting for me in the cities. Considering how much apprehension I carried into this weekend, I am so incredibly proud of being able to conduct myself in a relatively normal fashion, and furthermore, that I was able to have fun! I admit, I was so triggered and wiped by Monday that I ended up sleeping almost all of Memorial Day (no joke, I was probably awake for 6 hours total). But that is what rainy days are best for, are they not?

Usually on my past trips to visit Kirsten, I would be jumpy and constantly on alert, afraid of something that can no longer hurt me. But it certainly didn’t feel that way, and I often tried to numb those fears with a few drinks and try to enjoy myself as much as possible while I silently close my eyes and wish to go home. And I hated it. And it made me furious. I hated that I couldn’t feel comfortable in the company of my best friend because of the fear that hijacks my mind.

When I finally arrived to her home this past weekend, however, I realized that I had not been there to visit for nearly an entire year. And a lot has happened internally for me in the last year. I have started my journey to healing. And although I was still nervous and jumpy, I was able to spend quality time with Kirsten, even going out to dinner in Uptown (more on the trip later) without constantly looking over my shoulder. It was so much fun to be out and about in the cities and being able to truly enjoy the moment! The best part is that I didn’t even realize until the trip home that I hadn’t thought about that fear even once. It was a sobering moment, and I am really starting to cherish these beautiful discoveries of my healing.

iamnotthesameasiwasindecember

You will hopefully see a lot of this artist on my blog… explodingdog has such a wonderful talent of using simple artwork to illustrate deep concepts in a way that really has an impact on me. This one illustrates this post in such an inspiring way, and I hope you enjoy as well!

Hello!

Hi! I'm Alyce.
Welcome to my journey towards living a happier and healthier life while living with PTSD and chronic pain... and never letting it keep me from my passion for Halloween, cooking, and way too many DIY projects... all at the same time!

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