Mad Like Alyce

In the Pain Rehabilitation Clinic (PRC) we learned that we should not call our more painful days “Bad” days. Instead, we should label them as difficult days, which implies less negativity, and has more of an emphasis on soldiering through. This, however, been a difficult week. A very difficult week, both physically with more pain then I have had in a few months, and feeling emotionally raw as if the bitter February wind was blistering my heart.

This week, I struggled with internal battles. I have been dealing with deep revelations in my counseling that left me shattered, to being so overwhelmed at work that a sharp comment from my boss left me in tears. So when I attended a Women’s Empowerment Breakfast this morning, I felt anything but empowered. More accurately, I felt hollow, vulnerable, insecure. Fragile. The speakers at this event were engaging, and the purpose was fantastic, but I viewed the event through the bleak, colored lenses of insecurity.

Trying to eat my scrambled eggs while grappling with these feelings of fear, something really spoke to what I was feeling. Someone, specifically. This person I consider my mentor, my inspiration, and my friend. In Sarah’s speech, she revealed her first memory of insecurity and need for validation in vivid clarity. In this memory, she confesses that she had asked her dad a question that scared him, and in that moment, instead of protecting her with his response, he had the unfortunate effect of shutting her down. Closing her in. Making her feel she should hide these less than acceptable thoughts from being seen.

Perhaps it was due to my raw and exposed heart, but this memory hit me right in the feels. I can feel emotions from my past with such stark clarity and true to PTSD, experience these emotions in real time. Having recently examined a memory from when I was just 5 years old, of how my mother tried to protect me from the dangers of the world, and how her words of caution instilled fear and shame in place of the protection she so desperately wanted for me. That fear caused me to build up my walls when I was hurt. To take the blame back on myself for the malicious actions of others. To squash myself into a small, unobtrusive shape so I wouldn’t become a target again. So shielded that even through people knew me, I was still a stranger. Disconnected. Alone.

Sarah made a point of how fear can cause those who love us to unknowingly hurt us in the most minute of fractures, and sometimes in ways that may have lasting marks. But she also shared how an act of courage from one person to another, to reach out and encourage us to face our fears, can in turn inspire us. She shared how she had found her empowerment when someone “saw” her, even though she had spent years trying to become invisible. How this nudge of encouragement has given her the fuel she needed to step out of the shadows. Whether it could be do to her enlightenment, or to being a kindred soul plagued by fear, or simply from years of being a watcher, she also sees people with an intense clarity.

I still have my walls up. I still beat against them every day, wishing I could escape yet terrified to be unprotected. But through all of the layers I have built to insulate me from my fear, Sarah saw through them, and reached towards me. It only takes one person to show courage and inspire others to follow. So when she finished her speech, even though I was sitting in the front in a room of 600 people, even through all I felt like doing was crawling in a hole and crying my exhausted mind to sleep, I stood up to clap. Regardless of what others felt, she had reached me. And I was not alone, as 600 more women rose to applaud my friend.

Hello!

Hi! I'm Alyce.
Welcome to my journey towards living a happier and healthier life while living with PTSD and chronic pain... and never letting it keep me from my passion for Halloween, cooking, and way too many DIY projects... all at the same time!

Instagram

  • Hey Guys! I've been quiet on Insta so far this October, but its because IM SO BUSY and i'm pretty much in Halloween Heaven. Between finishing my first commissioned costume (its super simple, but I completed foam armor for the first time!!!) and doing makeup at the haunted house, i've hardly had time for sleep... and I wouldn't have it any other way. 
This is one of my first clown practice runs. I tried doing 30 minutes or less, and initially I wasn't planning on posting. Having a few days of the crazed makeup chaos that is getting ready for house open under my belt, I have a new appreciation for what details you can and simply cannot complete in such a short time period, and kind of like the grunge this clown pulled off. Not everything you will create is perfect, but thats how we all learn! #clowns #hauntedhouse #halloweenmakeup #halloween2018
  • I think this barrel look could make a great clown character.... am I going over to the dark side and starting to like clowns?!?! Only time will tell, and there are still 20 days until Halloween! #nightmarebeforechristmas #halloweentown #lockshockandbarrel
  • "I say that we take a cannon, aim it at his door
And then knock three times
And when he answers
Sandy Claws will be no more!"
The props for Barrel were actually my favorite, even if they are a bit cheesy, and make this costume all the more fun. I'll have to keep an eye out for a skeleton costume this year... I would like to do this one again! #nightmarebeforechristmas #halloweentown #lockshockandbarrel
  • "We're his little henchmen and
We take our job with pride
We do our best to please him
And stay on his good side"
#Nightmarebeforechristmas #halloweentown #lockshockandbarrel
  • I am SO FREAKING PLEASED with this makeup... and I have no justification for why I love Barrel more than Shock... Could be the fun loving character or just that the colors popped more in these photos. Or maybe these clown-like looks are starting to grow on me.... #nightmarebeforechristmas #halloweentown #lockshockandbarrel
  • "Jack said, "We should work together"
Three of a kind
Birds of a feather
Now and forever
Wheeee!!!"
Those poor red eyes! Thats not fx eye-blood... it's what happens when you do too many makeups close together... this stuff can be hell on your skin! They didn't look this red in all of the photos, but they sure felt like it. I have since invested in a serious eye cream... its only one week into October! #redeyes #muaproblems #nightmarebeforechristmas #lockshockandbarrel
  • "Kidnap Mr. Sandy Claws
I wanna do it
Let's draw straws"
Maybe it is because this is my shortest wig or just the color palette, but I feel like my Shock makeup came across a bit like Beast Boy from Teen Titans... what do you think? #nightmarebeforechristmas #lockshockandbarrel #teentitans
  • "He'II be so pleased by our success
That he'll reward us too, I bet
Perhaps he'll make his special brew
Of snake and spider stew!"
One last shot of Lock... three guesses what the next one is, and the first two don't count ;) #nightmarebeforechristmas #lockshockandbarrel #halloweentown
  • "First, we're going to set some bait
Inside a nasty trap and wait
When he comes a-sniffing we will
Snap the trap and close the gate"
Ok, i couldn't wait to post this shot with the goofy masks I made 2 years ago... Im obsessed with this gorgeous wig from Webster Wigs. It's seriously my favorite. Speaking of the mask, Im excited to get these new pics posted on the blog, because the makeup and mask pics are super cheesy. It makes me proud to see how much I have improved in both makeup and prop-making in just a few years. #muapassion #lockshockandbarrel #nightmarebeforechristmas

@madlikealyce

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